RARE ANTIQUE LATE EIGHTEENTH/EARLY NINETEENTH CENTURY "BEDROOM" FIREPLACE, CARVED IN PIERRE DOREE' DU BEAUJOLAIS, EXCELLENT CONDITION (DUE TO THE FACT THAT ITS THICKNESSES ARE STILL THOSE OF THE EIGHTEENTH CENTURY...), UNSURPASSED CHARM AND WARMTH FOR THOSE WHO ARE LOVERS OF THE STONE SURFACE, CHARM AND WARMTH THAT, THIS TIME, ARE ALSO ACCOMPANIED BY THE ARISTOCRATIC FINESSE OF THE NEOCLASSICAL DESIGN.
LOUIS XVI FIREPLACE “CANNELURE” (A WORD THAT STANDS FOR “GROOVE,” THE UNIQUE WORKMANSHIP APPLIED TO ITS SURFACES TO DRAW NEOCLASSICAL DECORATIVE LINES FROM THEM).
THE COMMENT ABOUT THIS FIREPLACE ( A COMMENT THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MANTEL IN QUESTION, WHICH IS ALREADY SO PRETTY, SMALL, NICE AND PERFECT THAT IT DOES NOT NEED ANY MORE DISQUISITIONS FROM ME) IS FORBIDDEN TO THE WIFE (OR PARTNER OR GIRLFRIEND, IT DOESN'T MATTER...) OF THE UNFORTUNATE PERSON WHO WILL BE FORCED TO ACCOMPANY HER IN THE SEARCH FOR AN ANTIQUE FIREPLACE FOR THEIR LOVE NEST, BUT IT IS RESERVED, PRECISELY, FOR THE AFOREMENTIONED UNFORTUNATE PERSON.
I know, my friends and comrades, it is quite a hassle (so to speak) for you to have to endure a trip all the way to the countryside of Reggio Emilia to see fireplaces, the choice of which will not depend in the least on your taste or the capacity of your purse, but ... but you have to, you are forced to, so you might as well put on a good face.
I know very well that you would have preferred to stay, if your she had come alone, that fateful Saturday, spat in your couch in splendid (almost orgiastic) solitude maybe enjoying your favorite team (which just that day will win 4 to 1 and you missed it ..) or the Formula 1 trials, and instead ...
If it is any comfort to you, the same thing happens to me for all sorts of reasons, the most tragic of which is that I am accompanied to buy MY clothes...
I CANNOT CHOOSE THEM BY MYSELF BECAUSE ACCORDING TO MY HER, I, DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRESS (in fact, it's not that I care so much, if it were up to me I would buy from Vestro's catalogs, a solution that would save me Sisyphean labors and humiliating displays...).
Just to say, the most strenuous winter sport I practice when buying sweaters and/or clothing elements for that cold weather....
Choosing MY sweater is one of the hardest exercises....
The ones I like, my Kapo doesn't like, and, of course, the ones she likes, I don't like....
BUT WHAT DOES THAT LAST LITTLE DETAIL MATTER? NOTHING, OF COURSE...
So I have to put on at least a dozen of them, with the strenuous effort of raising my arms and trying to get my head through that narrow crevice, all in an overheated closet that is more Lilliputian than a Parisian hotel shower (those who have been there can understand my consternation . .), sweating and trying in vain to restore to my face an expression not quite as idiotic as that which the pitiless mirror before which I am gradually obliged to sojourn returns to me with Perfidia. This thing of the mirror which only aggravates my moral depression.
I am not going to tell you what happens to me when we come to the ordeal of the most tragic WIND JACKET....
I look in the mirror and see a.... PALOMBARO (when it goes right) or a MICHELIN MAN (when it goes wrong, which is almost always).
IN CONCLUSION, MY FRIENDS, I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT A VISIT TO MY WAREHOUSE TO PICK OUT A FASCINATING ANTIQUE FIREPLACE WILL NOT BE AS TRAGICOMIC FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS:
A) YOU WILL SAVE LOTS OF MONEY IN COMPARISON TO AN AN ANALOGOUS PURCHASE MADE AT A LUXURIOUS SHOW-ROOM (I'm not sure if that's how you spell it, but I know you get the idea..) MANAGED BY A BLASONED ANTIQUARY IN A CACHEMIUM JACKET, MOSCIA ERRE AND ROLEX ON YOUR POLOS..
B) I WILL BE NEAR YOU, PHYSICALLY AND MORALLY, I WILL SURROUND YOU WHEN YOUR SHE LOOKS AT THE MOST EXPENSIVE FIREPLACE IN MY WAREHOUSE WITH HUMID AND DESIREFUL EYES (you give me a nod and I will tell your fair damsel that that fireplace is reserved, committed or sold. .), I WILL TRY IN ALL POSSIBLE WAYS (not that there are many, but I will do my best..) TO GET THE NEEDLE OF THE BALANCE ON YOUR SIDE WHEN IT HAPPENS (because it will happen for sure..) THAT YOU ARE NOT IN STILL SYNTHETIC SUMMIT WITH YOUR PARTNER..
(C) AFTER YOU FINISH THE "WORK," I WILL TELL YOU WHERE TO HAVE DINNER.... AND IT WILL BE A GOOD “TRATTORIA” RESTAURANT (WITH 20 € YOU WILL RISK A HEART ATTACK BUT YOU WILL EAT LIKE A GOD, THAT IS, ALL'EMILIANA.. ), A “TRATTORIA" IN WHICH YOU CAN ENJOY ALL THOSE THINGS THAT YOUR WIFE NORMALLY DOESN'T EVEN SHOW YOU IN PHOTOS: TURTLES OF TURKEY (OR RICOTTA OR HERBETTE) ANGLED IN A DIVINE RAGU' (cholesterol in spades, but what a treat. .), A SUBLIME GNOCCO FRITTO (of the accompanying charcuterie necessary for this dish, delicious but already “heavy” in itself, I won't mention to your her but they always bring it to you anyway because it's part of the dish, it's fantastic, it's made by a local artisan, it melts in your mouth leaving you ecstatic..) OR TIGELLE WITH PLENTY OF LARD PESTO AND PARMESAN CHEESE....
ALL STRICTLY HOMEMADE BY THE INNKEEPER'S 84-YEAR-OLD MOTHER (AND A FEW COMPANIONS OF THE SAME AGE... YOU HAVE TO HURRY BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER CERTAIN DELICACIES CAN BE PRODUCED, THE INNKEEPER'S DAUGHTER-IN-LAW IS A “MODERN WOMAN,” NOTHING LIKE THE “RASDORA EMILIANA” TYPE THAT FORTUNATELY REIGNS IN THAT KITCHEN TODAY).
HOPING TO HAVE REFRESHED YOU A LITTLE, I GREET YOU WITH ALL THE SYMPATHY THAT IS POSSIBLE ONLY AMONG PEOPLE UNITED BY THE SAME INESCAPABLE, INEVITABLE, INVINCIBLE, FATAL, INESCAPABLE, INEXORABLE AND UNFORTUNATELY IRRETRIEVABLE.. FATE,
YOUR TRAVELING COMPANION MAURIZIO DAL PEZZO.
